Which Way Should My Children Go?

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Something just struck me. There is a way that each child should go! Though there is the general “way” of living a godly life, God created each child for a unique purpose. Therefore, it’s not just about training the child in any old way but pointing him or her in the direction God has set for them. Indeed, there is a commentary in my Passion Translation version that says, “Train them in the direction they are best suited to go.”

Finding the Right Path

How will we know what that path is? By asking the Father – The One who made them, for His specific purpose. He knows the way. We cannot raise our children in the way that they should go if we don’t know what that way is. Take me for example; I have four children. Thankfully, it was clear to my husband and I very early in our parenting journey that the path for each child was going to be different. They have such different giftings and interests that to try and force them all onto a solitary path would be to do each and every one of them a disservice.

Many years ago, I had a conversation with a friend that left me feeling like a failing mother. After the discussion I moved into another room to lick my wounds. As I sat quietly contemplating my parenting skills and decisions the Lord, in His goodness, whispered to me, “If you stick with me and listen to Me, I will show you how to raise these children.”

With that encouragement and charge I purposed to seek His face concerning every major (and sometimes minor) decision in our children’s lives. You see, there is a way that can seem right from a human perspective but in reality, leads to terrible outcomes. I am now convinced that at least half the time I don’t actually know what’s best for our children. 😃 I must lean on God. Not least, when you know you have committed their steps to the Lord you can rest assured when things seem to be going awry that the Lord has it all under control.

The Source of Our Desires

We parents all have our ideas about what we want for our children – The kind of schools we want them to attend, the friends we would like them to have, their present and future accomplishments, etc. Having desires for our children is perfectly normal and fine. The challenge however is when they are, what I would call, twisted desires. By that I mean, desires that are coming not from a healthy but a wounded heart.

Regardless of whether we are conscious of it or willing to admit it, sometimes what we want for our children has its roots in places of pain, insecurity, fear, guilt, shame, comparison, etc. In other words, they are not coming from a “good place” and, more often than not, are a response to negative childhood experiences.

It is very common for parents to purpose to ensure that (1) their children never experience some of the difficulties they did whilst growing up or (2) they give their children everything they thought they were deprived off in childhood. That sounds reasonable enough but as we know, a bad seed cannot bear good fruit. Call it what you may – a biblical principle, a universal principle – it just is. Every seed bears after its own kind. If our decisions concerning our children are based on anything other than [a foundation of] love, all too often undesirable fruit(s) will eventually be produced.

Whose Pattern?

We also make decisions based on “how everyone else does it” (sometimes, even “The Joneses”). We have to continually remind ourselves that in this life there are two systems in operation – godly and worldly. There are numerous scriptures that adjure us that though we live here on earth, we are not to blindly fit into the cultures around us but instead to that of Heaven, our real home. (I published a blog post last week regarding our heavenly selves). There is therefore this constant tension between our confession of being citizens of the kingdom of Heaven and our desires, decisions and actions that are wholly based on the worldly system in which we live. Hmmm….

Whose Will Shall Prevail?

Even when we take time to seek the Lord for His will concerning our children, sometimes His desires are in opposition to ours. What then?! After all, we think, they are our children! We only stop short of telling Him, “And I know what’s best for them!” 😃 We end up in a battle of wills with the Father. In reality, when we fight with God there can only ever be one winner. We can either surrender quickly and quietly or wait until we and/or our children have been battered and bruised.  

So, what then?

Regardless of our children’s ages, there are two things that are critical in our parenting journey: 

1. Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on Him to guide you [and your children], and He will lead you all in every decision you make (Proverbs 3:5 TPT). He has promised this and He is faithful to His promises. Let us keep seeking His heart, above all else, concerning His desires and plans for our children and taking decisions and steps accordingly. Handing over our children completely to God and not waiting around to snatch them back has got to be one of the best parenting decisions we could ever make.
   
2. Pursue wholeness! Pursue a whole and healthy heart such that the desires and decisions that stem from it are pure and will bear good fruit; not just in the life of you and your children, but everyone else around you.

Reflections

• Ask the Lord to show you the internal basis of a lot of your parenting decisions.
• Press in to identify the roots including who you may need to forgive.
• Forgive.
• Ask the Lord for His truth on the matter(s).
• Pray for a revelation concerning the areas in which you are basing your parenting decisions on worldly rather than godly patterns.
• Ask God to show you how you could do things differently.

Good News!!!

Just As I Am will be partnering with Kingdom Community to run Pursuing Wholeness – a one-year inner healing journey. More information can be found here.

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