The other day I joined a prayer session with some other members of Kingdom Community. One of the prayer topics during the prayer call was Pursuing Wholeness, an inner healing programme I am running in collaboration with the fellowship.
Pursuing Wholeness is a one-year journey positioning participants to not just live a fuller and more abundant life but to rise to a higher level of being and doing all God has called them to. There are two core elements of the programme:
- Monthly Zoom sessions of teachings and group discussions.
- Structured personal devotions (reflections) for participants to engage further with the Lord and their hearts in between the monthly sessions.
As we were praying for the programme, I sensed that a lot of participants were dealing with walls of fear that were impeding their ability to press on with the reflections. It was also clear that those walls would limit their ability to gain all God has in store for them over the remaining 11 months.
The Fear of Sleeping Dogs
It hit me that in trying to journey towards wholeness, some people were scared of what may be unearthed if they pressed forward in earnest with the programme. They had spent so long burying hurts and pain that they were scared of the process of unpacking things. I sense that the worry is three-fold.
- What would happen to them if they shone the torch on deeply buried pain in their hearts. For example, what effect would it have on their current mental and emotional well-being? How might it impact certain relationships, etc?
- New things they would discover, particularly about themselves, if they opened themselves up to the Lord to do His work.
- Whether they would be able to not only handle what they found but properly address them.
In reality, whether we realise it or not, unaddressed pain from past negative experiences do affect our lives. We live from the place of our hearts so the same way an unhealthy physical heart would negatively affect your life so does an unhealthy metaphorical heart. Just because inner wounds are not seen or may not be acknowledged does not mean that they have no impact. The fruit of inner pain can affect our relationships, finances, peace and joy, health, etc. It’s just that we often do not connect some (not all) of the challenges we experience in life with the root – unaddressed pain.
We need to take the bold and necessary steps to unpeel the layers of our hearts and invite the Lord to bring His healing. Until then, we will not enjoy the full abundance of life which Christ has secured for us.
Can God Really be Trusted to ?
Secondly, I sensed that another root of fear was the question as to whether God is indeed good and faithful to heal our past hurts. We consciously or sub-consciously ask ourselves, “How can I trust the God who allowed me to suffer all I have been through to gently and safely take me through the healing process? He let me down in the past so what would be different this time?”
Hmmm…. The concerns are understandable, but part of the enemy’s ploy to keep us from receiving the freedom and wholeness Christ purchased for each one of us 2000 years ago.
This brings us back to a topic I have written about a few times in the past – forgiving God. It is difficult to trust someone to heal you from a pain you believe they caused, either directly or indirectly. How can I trust the healing journey if I can’t trust the one leading the journey? I can’t! I might pretend to; but, in reality, I can’t.
And for those who are currently saying, “Oh, I have nothing against God.”, in all likelihood, you are lying! 😃 Let’s face it, in one way or the other we have all experienced some hurt and/or disappointment in the past that we think God, in all His “bigness”, really ought to have averted. It’s just that we misconstrue our reverence for Him as reason to not be honest with Him, or even ourselves.
Choose Healing
We therefore have two options:
- Continuing to harbour bitterness and resentment towards God and, at best, stay in the mental, emotional, and life state we are currently in; or
- Make a decision to release God for the hurtful experiences of the past.
For me, the first option is no option. If you have read some of my previous blog posts, you will know that there are several areas in which I have had to forgive the Lord over the last year or so. I cannot overstate the benefits. Unforgiveness, even towards God, is a prison; for you and not the other person. The peace and lightness that comes from handing over your pain to God and releasing Him from the harm is one thing. The insights He can give you about those experiences, if you would just ask, is a whole ‘nother level!
You Can Do This!
So, I want to encourage you today; have an honest conversation with God (see the reflections section below for a guide). Tell Him the areas you feel He let you down (He already knows anyway 😉😊) and forgive Him. Ask Him to share His perspective on the matter(s) with you. You may have done this countless times before, but I can assure you that there is likely to be more lurking within your heart. 😊
Regarding “digging up old wounds”, remember that God reveals to redeem i.e. He wouldn’t unearth something He has no intention of addressing. He also wouldn’t try to get you to address any area He doesn’t think you are ready for. That’s why pursuing wholeness is a process and not an event. Step by step, layer by layer…. Ask Him for the grace to trust Him to work together in asserting your freedom and healing.
Any time you feel the fear, picture yourself putting your hand in Jesus’s, asking Him to lead your healing journey. Look forward at God who has gone ahead of you, and stay open to the Holy Spirit who is within you.
Shalom!
Post script
Just before publishing this post I saw an entry I made in my Pursuing Wholeness preparation journal on the 13th of May. I had even forgotten! 😃 Talk about confirmation! 😊
When we are going through the journey we are likely to dig up a whole lot of emotion. The temptation is to try and pack it all back in. Don’t! Deal with it! If you pack it back in, you are simply putting it back in to continue to cause havoc in your life and it will pop back up again at some point.
Think of negative emotions like a jack-in-the-box. You can stuff it back in for a while but it will pop its ugly head out again. Whenever they pop up, slay their ugly heads. Cut them right off so that there is nothing to pop up again.
Ask God for the root of the emotion. Ask Him who you need to forgive. Forgive. Hand the negative emotion over to Him and ask Him what He will give you instead.
Making peace with God is going to be key.
Reflections
- Ask Father God to show you what past painful experience(s) you have to forgive Him for.
- Pray for Him to reveal the lie you believed about Him as a result of the experience(s).
- Forgive Him for: (1) the ways you feel He let you down, (2) how it made you feel, and (3) the consequences you may still be dealing with.
- Hand the pain and lie(s) over to Him.
- Ask Him to heal your heart and to give you His truth on the matter.